Personal Stories

We Tell Our Stories

Personal Stories

In sharing and listening to our stories and experiences we gain strength and solidarity in knowing our sisters' pains and joys. Each'' person is a person of worth and has an important thing to share as we are all of equal worth. By taking the time to listen and share we grow both individually and together. We realise that we are not alone and that our stories tell a great deal of the way we have had to fit in our societies' structures which continue to oppress women. So often our voice has been silenced. It is so important then that we take time to speak and be heard. Indeed, telling our personal stories is an essential element of our attempt at doing theology as women. Following are the women's individual stories shared in the first day of the workshop.

Guide Questions for Personal Storytelling:

1. Reflect on how you grew up as a girl/woman in your family. Was there any difference between you and your brothers?

2. What do your mother and father do? Who does the housework? How and why?

3. Share how you have come to be more aware of women’s issues or situation.

4. What do the church and other religions teach about the role, image and status of women?

*In my third year at the university, a friend for the past two years shared an economics paper with me. He had a lecture clash and could only attend half of the lectures. When he had to miss class he borrowed my notes so he could keep up with the work. At the end of the first term we had a test and he beat me by 2 marks. When he found out he said he was going to "lord it over'' me and he was very excited. He also thought it was funny that he had received a higher mark than I did by borrowing my notes. Later in the year he said he didn't like being beaten by women especially women he knew (e.g. me). After the second test I beat him by 18 marks. This he justified by saying he only came to half of the lectures, and that he only started studying the morning of the test whereas I, he claimed, "studied your guts out." What he said hurt me. I didn't even think that I was better than he, neither did I want to "lord it over" him.

*The national office of a church is a difficult place to work in. The leadership at the executive level is all male. I find it difficult to be who I am. Men who are very sexist are the ones asked to develop programmes. If men are not part of these programmes they get very upset. Whenever the balance of male/female ratio is disturbed in favor of the women, the male colleagues become nervous. Institutional sexism undermines the identity and value of women. The system is male-defined and this is how it functions. Since I work at a high level executive position and not the traditional secretarial one, I cannot name one particular incident which might be termed as dehumanizing for my womanhood. But I am constantly feeling that I am functioning in the male-centered system.

*This year I was elected accountant of my class. It is a difficult job for me. I sometimes miscalculate the money. My classmates say it is a woman's job so I must do it. I get very angry.

Courtesy: Makamasa Feminist Crafts

*My experience these last 10 years is that of a married woman and a pastor's wife. When I got married I did not realize there were so many social/cultural trappings in marriage which had more adverse effects than I had thought. As a pastor's wife I had no name. Most people only called me Mrs. So and So, or pastor's wife. I had no identity, no dignity as a person. However, married life was a beginning of a greater struggle as I began to deal with the whole gender question. Often I asked, "has God created men and women in-'his' own image?" I began struggling with the language (in his image) and even fighting with God. How the church has distorted the image of God.

*It was about 4 p.m. on a Saturday afternoon in October last year... I noticed that my father had been sleeping in the same position for quite a while. I got close to him to check if there was anything wrong. I spoke to him but he didn't respond. I held him but he was unusually still. I knew something was wrong, and I found myself trembling. It was so sudden. He had died during his afternoon nap. And he was a healthy man.

My brother and I had to take care of so many things and we had no previous experience of funeral arrangements. The body had to be kept for four days until my mother and sister returned from abroad. There were so many customs and rituals that we did not know. We did not even know the distant relatives who condoled with us. We did our best. We shared most of our burden and at the same time consoling our mother until the end. When everything was over I heard some of our relatives praising my brother for taking care of everything single-handedly. They said that being the only son in the family he handled everything so well. I did not feel angry with them or my brother. I just felt sad for myself. I felt that everything that I did went unnoticed because of the fact that I am a woman. I feel in most occasions women's contributions go unseen, unspoken and unheard of.

Thinking back on the incident I feel and I know whatever I did I did it with a good heart and I don't need credit for it. But

I also know that this should not be the case. Being a woman is no reason to be unrecognized.

*I am a typical Taiwanese girl. My parents love me so much and can afford a good education for me. In my world, I did not recognize the true meaning of oppression and pain. I always considered myself a wonderful girl. But since I began to participate in Taipei SCM and had an opportunity to live with the mountain people in Taiwan who are suffering from oppression by the whole social system, I knew that I was really guilty because I forgot to share my talents from God with those who were in need.

I also used to think that I should and must have a boyfriend and a husband in the future, so I spent a lot of energy on these things. I thought that marriage was the most important thing for a woman. Now I realize that the most important thing in my life is to affirm myself! Now I also know that there is so much oppression in my society which calls me to struggle against.

*India is a country where you can see blatant discrimination of women. Once I had to travel alone to get a certificate from another city. My mother was not willing to let me go alone, but there was no other alternative. My onward journey was not too bad but the return was not so pleasant. My cousin who was supposed to see me off cursed because he had to come to the station and then the train was three hours delayed. He kept saying I should have brought a companion along. As the train was crowded I looked for the conductor to help me find a seat. The compartment was full with forty to forty-five men. The conductor also got mad with me for travelling alone.

Another recent experience was in my electronics class. When I failed at the first attempt at soldering, the teacher immediately said, “I knew you girls cannot handle it.” I'm sure that had I been a boy he would have encouraged me to try again.

*I am a pastor and all my colleagues are men. All the decisions are made by men. I work pretty hard but I am not treated as an equal. All my male colleagues are entitled to a housing allowance but I am not as I am a woman. I raise money for my parish but I am not entitled to decide how to spend it as the money goes to the leaders first and they decide how much I should get for my project.

*My parents tended to treat me the same as my two brothers. They encouraged each of us to get a good education for the sake of being able to learn, to think, to be creative. I was younger than my brothers and felt less intelligent and less creative than them. It is only in recent years that I realized that I am as intelligent and creative as I have been free in my ministry to write liturgy, Bible studies and theology in many different forms and for different situations...

Our parents brought us up with some very anti-patriarchal ideas. We were told that we did not have to believe everything (or anything) that people in authority told us or wrote in books, unless they justified their ideas and showed that they were true. They also taught us that ideas should have a practical use, not simply be intellectually interesting. They also imparted to us a sense of justice and human rights, although in some ways they themselves seemed politically conservative. I think my parents laid the foundations for my ministry and my feminist theology by providing some beginning steps and encouraging me to find my own path. I think sometimes they would have liked me to fit into the traditional stereotypes, but on the whole they accept and value what I do...

*As far as SCM is concerned women are not constitutionally discriminated against. But the fact remains that in an SCM with a very large membership very few girls can be seen. In general girls are discriminated against; Daughters are scolded for making their brothers work. My mother and I do all the work while my brothers don't have to do much.

*As a social worker I worked with a group of young boys with one assistant to help me. At night the young boys would instruct me as to where to sleep and that if anything were to happen I should call them. Once they could not start a barbecue. Being a seasoned camper I showed them how. The next morning they woke me up saying that I should prepare breakfast for them. It was a very natural behaviour for them. The stereotyped roles of men and women have been embedded in their minds.

*It doesn't matter if girls are the best in a subject at school. I topped physics and another boy topped chemistry in 11th grade. The boy was given a certificate but I was not. I did not have the courage to protest.

*In my teenage years things were more traditional but now things are changing. Before girls had to sacrifice if only one child – that is, the male – could study. Previously girls also used to do the housework, but in the materialistic world of today nobody wants to do the housework. As more and more women become educated and have jobs, they do not like the traditional role of the mother. At camps boys and girls of the new generation do equal work. Fathers are also learning to care for their children.

*From young I had always wanted to take a path in life of my own choice and not be led. I thought I should remain single all my life. At twenty-two, I told my parents about my ideas. They said a woman could not make it all alone and that if they died no one would support me. They also said that a man can decide such a thing but not a woman. That experience has influenced me a lot.

*Our society and family tell us that the women are polluted or unclean. When I think about women's experience, I think it to be very special. All priests at the seminary are men. They teach

us to be systematic but they themselves are not. Their theology is also very confusing. They say women are emotional. Maybe being emotional is a very special way of thinking.

*Girls do not have a chance to get much education. I consider myself lucky to be able to go to the university. I have had an opportunity to work at a factory with many girls who graduated from senior high. I asked some of them why they couldn't go to the university and they said their parents wanted them to earn money so that their brothers could go to the university.

*My father is a pastor and I grew up in a church group. I had to face two different pressures. One was the fact that a pastor's daughter had to be at the top both in sports and education. But when I tried to show my ability in these things I was told that I should do things gently like a woman. It is very hard for me to find a balance between being a pastor's daughter and being a woman. In the university I like to sing and really become involved in my studies. There another problem awaits young women for if they try to get more and more education it becomes harder for them to get married.

*I see women's oppression within the dominating structures of my own society. I go along with it for some time and then I become angry. If you are loud, people think you need to see a psychiatrist. Some women cry, some commit suicide. I shout, that is how I react. Men do not understand women's anger. God has given us emotions.

*I am a typical woman. I talk and I speak out in meetings. Women are always a minority at meetings. Men have always been quick in nominating my name for positions. At first I thought it was a gain and I always accepted the positions. When I started to reflect on this, I realized that it was a way of oppressing me. How could I complain when I was being offered positions? Later I realized

it was their way of silencing me. We have to be very careful in accepting such positions. We should first ask the question why they are putting us there.

*In seminary I was invited to facilitate a women's workshop. When the finances were being discussed, they said that since I am married they shouldn't give me as much money as the others for I have a husband to support me.

*Pakistan is a place where women's discrimination is very common... I am a research student at a Christian Study Centre in Pakistan. My hours at the centre are from 9:00 a.m. until 4:00 p.m. After that I work as a lecturer in English at a hospital until 6:30 p.m. I consider myself lucky because I have a unique chance of developing myself in a variety of ways. But time and again the question of my work hours comes up. If I just left everything and sat at home, some people of the family and some close relatives would be very happy. That I am contributing towards something is just not acknowledged.

After the sharing the facilitators each cited the commonalities in the stories which are summarized thus:

1) Women's oppression is a common experience in all of the countries. It is experienced at different levels. At some places it is very blatant while at others it is very subtle.

2) Oppression is difficult to identify. It is not always obvious. Oftentimes for women it comes in the form of having no name, no identity, attitudes towards women's bodies as unclean, unequal pay for equal work, no recognition for hard work.

3) Sexism is a product of a long historical process. It is

difficult to arrest and change. Oftentimes women find it easier to remain quiet.

4) Women's emancipation should be a partnership with men to understand the issues. However, women cannot always trust men even if they seem to support us. We have to beware of hypocrisy.

5) The awareness is growing. Young women are acquiring capability of deliberating upon the issues with greater openness. There is hope in the new generation.

6) Family and society impose on us the expectation that we marry, as if that is the only way we can have an identity.

"See the Women Rising!"

Courtesy: Philippine Human Rights