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“I must have a child” : a role play about taboos

This role play was written and performed by participants at the WSCF Asia-Pacific regional women’s meeting in Singapore, June 1985.

A member of the group reads aloud from Mark 5:25-34.

Scene I

Knock, knock, knock (on an imaginary door).

Lillian Oh, hi Jane. And Pik Kee! It seems ages since I've seen you. How are you? Come on in.

Jane Thanks, Lillian. We just thought we'd drop by to see how you're doing. (They all sit down on the floor.)

Pik Kee You know, it really has been a long time since you've been out of your house. We were beginning to worry about you.

Jane Ya-lah, you never come out with us anymore. We ask you to a show or to a play but you never come along anymore. If you're too busy, okaylah. But if something's wrong we'd like to know. Maybe there's something we can do to help.

Lillian (in a lowered voice) Well, actually I've not been feeling very well lately.

Pik Kee (to Jane) I thought so.

Jane (nodding her head and asking Lillian) What's the matter?

Lillian You see, I'm quite depressed.

Pik Kee Depressed? Depressed about what?

Lillian Jane, do you realise that I've already been married for ten years now?

Jane Of course I realise it. Don't you remember? I was married just a few weeks after you were. I've already been married for ten years too, you know.

Lillian (her voice beginning to rise) Yes, I remember. But look at us, Jane. Just look at us. What's the main difference between us?

Jane Huh? I don't know. What do you mean? You're married, I'm married. You're happy, I'm happy. What's different?

Lillian (her voice louder, close to breaking) I should have known you wouldn't understand — you don't have anyone nagging you, pestering you with questions about why you don't have children. (Almost shouting) That's the difference, Jane. You have three beautiful children — I haven't any. It's terrible. I'm just so depressed.

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Pik Kee There, there Lillian. Don't get so upset. We only wanted to help.

Jane Besides, all this time we thought you chose not to have children. You're always saying how great it is not to be tied down looking after young children — how much you like your freedom.

Lillian (now in a more subdued voice) I know what I've said, but the truth is that I have really wanted to have a child for several years now. We keep trying but nothing happens. Even Ho Sun is feeling disappointed and it seems like we are beginning to have more and more tensions in our marriage all the time. I just don't know what to do.

Pik Kee Come on now, Lillian. It's not as if you haven't any alternatives. Perhaps you and Ho Sun ought to consider adopting children.

Lillian (shouting) Adopt? 1 couldn't adopt! It would feel as if we were living in a house with a stranger. Besides, I know my husband would never agree to the idea. I'm afraid adoption is out of the question.

Jane In that case, I think it's time for you to make an appointment with a doctor. You should be examined and so should ...

Lillian (interrupting) Examined!? How can you say such a thing? It's bad enough not having children, let alone going through the humiliation of seeing a doctor. I just don't think I could do it.

Jane Please, let me finish. It's not just you, but Ho Sun should also be examined by a doctor.

Lillian Ho Sun go to the doctor too?

Pik Kee That's right, Lillian. Difficulties in getting pregnant can be due to either parent. Until you've both been examined it may be impossible to do anything about your problem.

Lillian But Ho Sun? Go to a doctor? I just know he'll refuse. How am I going to get him to go to a doctor? It's just all too complicated! (Begins to cry.)

Jane Look, Lillian. If you and Ho Sun both feel strongly about having children, you need to try and do something about it before you have serious problems with your marriage. (Lillian quiets down.)

Pik Kee Lillian, think about it, OK? At least going to a doctor is doing something. And if you want to talk to anyone again about this, don't forget we're always there.

Jane That's right, Lillian. We're ready to help you in any way we can. But please, do try to talk to Ho Sun and see if he'll go to be examined with you. (Everyone stands up and Jane and Pik Kee go toward the imaginary door.)

Lillian Thanks so much for coming by. I'll think about what you've said.

Jane We'd better go now, but give us a ring anytime.

Lillian Okaylah — and thanks again.

Scene II

(Jane and Pik Kee leave the house just as Ho Sun gets home from work.)

Ho Sun Oh, hi there Jane. And Pik Kee, too. How are you?

Jane Hi, Ho Sun. We just dropped by to see how Lillian is doing. We've got to run now. See you again sometime.

Ho Sun Okay, goodbye.

(They all wave to each other and Ho Sun comes inside.)

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Lillian Hi there. Let me get you something cold to drink. (Lillian walks to the back of the house, rummages around, and returns holding an imaginary glass. While she's doing this. Ho Sun stretches himself and sits down in a comfortable position on the floor. Lillian hands him the imaginary glass.) How were things at the office today?

Ho Sun Oh, as usual-lah. But you know, I get so tired of hearing all my colleagues talk about their children all the time. Today they were telling me what their families did this past weekend and how darling their children are. You know, Foo Chang has only been married two years and already has three children. I wish we had children. We haven't even one child after ten years of marriage.

Lillian I know. I wish I knew what was wrong because I also want children.

Ho Sun It's just that I'm feeling more and more left out of activities my colleagues plan for their families. They go on picnics and to the beach together and they don't even bother to invite us along anymore. All they talk about all day long in the office is how their kids said this or their kids did that and wasn't it cute. I must have a child.

Lillian I know how you must feel. Ho Sun. I, too, long for children. In fact, I was just talking with Jane and Pik Kee about this when they were here this afternoon. They think we ought to do something soon. Pik Kee suggested we consider adopting a child.

Ho Sun (in a raised, sharp voice) Adopt? How can she say such a thing? I could never adopt children.

Lillian That's what I told her.

Ho Sun It would be a lot better if Pik Kee just kept her opinions to herself. She can't know what it feels like; she already has children. Adoption is not the answer. What we can do is take you to a doctor. If you were examined, maybe we could find out what was wrong. We've been trying to have children for so long now that I feel there must be something wrong.

Lillian (in a lowered voice) Actually, I also spoke to Jane and Pik Kee about this. They really encouraged me to go see a doctor. But they said that problems getting pregnant do not necessarily mean there is anything wrong with me — there may be something wrong with you. They think we should both have examinations.

Ho Sun (shouting furiously) Me? Go to a doctor? That is the dirtiest idea, the rudest suggestion, I have ever heard!

Lillian (screaming) Are you implying it's all my fault we don't have any children? Are you blaming me? The nerve you have!

Ho Sun I'm sorry you feel that way, but you certainly aren't thinking much about my feelings. Faced with such alternatives I may as well look for another.

Lillian (crying and screaming) Another wife? What are you saying? I give you ten good years of my life and you are ready to toss me out like a piece of trash. How can you be so cruel? (She sobs hysterically.)

Ho Sun (shouting even louder) Just shut up. How can you expect me to stay here when you are screaming at me all the time? I must find another wife who will respect me and give me children.

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Scene III

(Ho Sun's mother, Lillian's mother-in-law, comes hobbling into the room, slightly bent over.)

Mother-in-law Ai-yah! What is all this noise? Are you two fighting again? Screaming, screaming . . . Why are you always yelling at each other- lah? Can't you get along? Things used to be so peaceful in this house. What has happened?

Lillian (sobbing loudly) Oh mother, mother. Ho Sun is so cruel. He blames me because we don't have children, and says he is going to run off and find another wife. How can he? (She begins to cry again.)

Ho Sun Mother, this woman, aiyo! She is half crazy. She thinks I need to go see a doctor before we can have children. All I need is another wife; then I can have children.

Mother-in-law There, there. This all sounds a bit extreme to me. Having children is not such a great thing. You can have children, break your back to give them a good life and half the time they grow up ungrateful.

Ho Sun You cannot imagine what it is like to be childless, mother. Everyone shuns you and talks behind your back as if you were some sort of freak. It's just horrible.

Lillian All he talks about now is why can't we have children? He only thinks about children and doesn't care at all about me anymore.

Mother-in-law His father was the same way. Every time I had one more child. Ho Sun's father would be so proud and brag to all his friends. He would always take all the credit for having eight children but would always give me all the work. But let me tell you, many times I longed for a day when there were no children to pull at me.

Ho Sun That is easy for you to say, mother of eight fine children. But after ten years we still do not have one child. I am getting old and impatient. If this woman cannot give me children I will find someone who can.

Mother-in-law Now you listen to me, son. If the problem is getting children, I think you have several choices before you. You can always adopt children.

Lillian Never mind. We have already decided; neither of us could possibly adopt a child. It's just too difficult for us to consider.

Mother-in-law There are still plenty of other things that you can do. I've read in the newspaper that there are special pills you can take that can give you lots and lots of babies. I've also heard of these babies that can get started in test tubes. The way science is progressing these days, there's no telling what other choices you may have in a few more years.

Ho Sun Science? Humph! I want children and I want them naturally. No pills. No gimmicks.

Lillian I've told him that we both need to be examined by a doctor but he simply will not agree to it. (Begins to cry.) Instead he just wants to blame me and look for another wife.

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Mother-in-law Really, Ho Sun, how can you be so cruel? Lillian has been a good wife. And she's right. You should both go to the doctor. There may be a simple answer to your problem but you can't know for sure until you've both seen a doctor. Now I'm sure I can find a good doctor . . .

Ho Sun I refuse to be humiliated like this. I will not go see a doctor. (Lillian sobs louder and louder.)

Mother-in-law Now you listen to your mother. Ho Sun. You are still my son and as much as I love you I believe you are simply wrong in this matter. You should listen to Lillian. She is looking for a way to make you happy and you refuse to listen to her.

Ho Sun (shouting) I cannot believe my ears. My very own mother agrees with the crazy ideas of my wife. I refuse to listen to any more of this nonsense. I will go look for another wife who can give me children. (Ho Sun jumps up and stomps out of the house. The Mother-in-law goes to the crying Lillian and tries to comfort her.)

THE END

Interpretation (read by any one of the above characters)

In Chinese culture, not having children is a kind of taboo similar to that associated with the woman with the haemorrhage in the bible passage we read earlier. People without children are often shunned by others, and not fully accepted by society. Also, in such a situation, it is often the woman of a married couple who is blamed for childlessness. Among Chinese, it is also common for the husband's mother to live in the same household as one of her sons and his wife. Usually the mother will support her son unconditionally. In our role play, we see Christ in the mother-in-law, because instead of going along with her son by blaming and rejecting Lillian, she accepts and loves Lillian, much as Christ receives the woman who touched him to stop her flow of blood.